me telling jokes to drunks.

I was bored and nobody wanted to play. So I thought it best to trash toss some half-eaten pumpkins off my back porch. That's how a comedian spends his day off at home. www.ShaveYourHead.com

My sister had a baby and I'm now the Uncle and godfather. Here we are in the NCIU visiting Tyler John.

As part of Steve Burr's "3 Things You Never Talk About."

During one of my shows. She was young and really hot, but still ... A MySpace rant results.

I dance for Gellie as Lulu bites my ass. No bread was left, so I couldn't feed the pooch any PB&J sandwiches.

Lulu and Gellie join me for some fun in the sun. Well, it's inside but it's still Phoenix where it's very sunny.

The Cubs-Padres game was called on account of some serious rain in the 5th inning. Mark Prior threw against Greg Maddux. I sat with a hottie and one with a slutty roommate.

I didn't even though they clinched until we left. Great seats, great food, free beers. Thanks for Joia for a great night!

This random and very good looking girl in Tucson, didn't like the way her twins sat on St. Patt's Day, all constricted in a bra. So off it came. And then I did, too.

We got in the suites at TEP to watch the game. Free beer and chicken wings. Life on the road can be really awesome sometimes.

Sober in the left field lawn during the Cubs-White Sux game March 16. Cubs ralling for 3 in the 9th to tie it, only to lose 7-6. Oh well.

Screening of the docu-comedy, Chasing October. A great movie whether you like baseball, relationships or just wanna laugh. Matt Liston wrote and produced the film. More info at CubsMovie.com.

I saw the Brewers host the Brewers in Maryvale, Airzona, which is a part of Phoenix. Rode my bike. Saw USHER. Had some great, bad food. Watched Sammy Sosa whiff. Got a nice tan.

Tony tapes his fiancee shaving my back while their moose of a dog drops a deuce in the background. Can't beat fun in the sun.

Cubs win 10-6. Rich Hills surrenders 1 hit in 3 innings. Ronnie Woo Woo attracts some half-naked chicks. Watch as they come into the picture as I mention their attire. Perfect timing, ladies!

Cubs beat A's 9-8. Alfonso Soriano hit a lead-off homer. Ronnie Woo Woo autographed balls and pictures, and left voicemails for fans back in Chicago. Quite the spectacle.

These assholes held 'honk' for peace signs outside my apartment. Newsflash: horns are noisy and not peaceful! Mission not accomplished, douchebags.

I had only ever fired a super-soaker water gun before. This was a little different.

I love the song 'Laid' by James. So much so it makes me dance. Don't judge.